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Grilled Things On A Stick

What, weather!? Wind!? That one’s on you… I will be fine, not my first time; as this is an all-time Fartfist, not so eloquent, favorite!

The first thing and most important thing one should know about grilling things on stick is very simple; in words or reality. It just depends on neither, but your command of either!

The fire must be clean and prepared for grilling things on a stick.

Yes, fire.

There is NO other way… and NO ignition fuel, burning plastic, moss, rotten limbs, beer bottles, cans or cigarette butts! (Humies…tch!)

A wood only fire is a clean fire.

One should avoid fanning a food fire also; this is tricky, because advanced cooks actually want to fan in appropriate applications. I like to fan while searing fish or beef.

Just knock down those ashes or ensure they are undisturbed entirely!

Do a pre bellows across the embers or whatever you’d like to do; I prefer not to eat the ashes. If we were going to eat, tree; then this would be called simply, “grilled stick on a stick” or “grilled tree” or just quite plainly, “grilled stick”.

What were we cooking again!?

Things; All kinds of things.

In order to properly grill things on a stick, one must acquire suitable flammables.

I like hickory…I like maple…I like birch…I like oak, well, and many more for grilling things on a stick.

You may like cypress, elm, cedar, pine, magnolia, azalea, cotton, spruce, yew, acacia, walnut, cherry, ipe who knows!?

I like to choose something with flavor; something that won’t have too much moss or fungus, or too sappy either….or just something available really, that can shed bark easily! I would never burn hickory, if all I had was an ax handle! It all really depends on what’s out there, for sure; I sure as hell ain’t buying it!

With the important things out of the way; the fire needs to be ready. In the way of it having been burnt down for at least an hour, with it’s coalbed nice and hot and flashes down to a minimum. They will need to be evenly distributed throughout a square pit, preferably. Square pits are for cooking, circle pits are for show.

Keep some small chips of dry bark (without fungus) handy.

Now you need a stick! I want two of those!

I like a straight, semi- green sapling, about as long as my arm. Then skin it, pop that guy in half and whittle down one end of each, to a point.

Then you need two fork sticks for each food stick.

You need two; I need four.

Super easy find, if you found burn stock!

By Jenkins, I would’a already had mine on the forage for the kindling!

Now, don’t break them… get them seated at adjacent ends of the pit. That means put one fork on one end of the pit and the other on the other, so you can get your stick elevated over the fire, just right!

I am just going to let you dick with it… if everyone had to read about what they had to do to cook over a fire, you’d have been screwed.

I just love when mine can fend for themselves and enjoy the process; you may already be abreast of my preference with regard to humans and their precious knowledge, they will never know how to use because they did not learn it by doing it.

You CAN manage a cooking fire.

So, now that we have your wise, whys, wyes and sticks; let’s go get something and grill it!

I like whatever… you are the picky ones!

Let us simply use my favorites, because this is my manuscript and not yours…yet… well, it belongs to no one…

We shall go with the greatest hits!

Beef! Chicken! Bacon! Shrimp! Onion! Peppers! Mushroom! Garlic!

Okay!

No salt! No Peppercorn!

No oil!

Start chopping meat and vegetables to be skewered with your trusty stick!

This can be done with bare hands!

Your bacon though….that’s privilege of prep or prop.

We shall cheat and use pork bacon anyway.

Once your sticks are fully loaded, for the exception of the ends that will rest inside your cooking apparatus, you will begin pushing the entire contents of the stick together closely and wrap bacon slices around all of it, until fully and firmly wrapped with bacon!

The ends of bacon strip will require some finesse to tuck in, so that it does not unravel. You are permitted to cheat, once again and use tooth picks or splinters….cheater!

The distance from the pit is far less important that the heat, resonating from it.

You will position them in a way that you can turn them without dropping them or getting charred.

This is a good time to place very small slabs of bark on the embers to promote smoke flavor and help with grease fire.

The grease will cause flaring so turning and slowly dragging another stick in the coals or catching it with bark should help from charring prematurely. I like some char…when the appropriate temperature inside the meat is reached to safely cook it. That is NOT a number…it’s a STATE. It all depends on the fire, wind, ambient temperatures and or heat retention.  Low and slow always wins.

I also like to alternate positions on the stick for my morsels… meaning; chicken-pepper-beef-mushroom-shrimp-onion/garlic or similar…Rather than; chicken-beef-shrimp-veggie-veggie-veggie… so that the chews and marriage of flavor are optimal.

A good code would always be as follows:

Meat-Veg-Meat-Veg-Meat-Veg

I like to pair my onion and garlic, in fact, I consider them one; in this entrée. So here, our onion sandwiches a single clove of garlic; rendering ONE single unit of “Veggie”.

I have had many repetitions of patterns on one single stick as well, this is common. I like a good balance, so I will never leave off, mid-pattern. If two rows won’t fit, I would rather just use two sticks!

All variables refer to the fire.

The fire will ultimately be determining how it all turns out and how long or short the sticks should be.

Don’t be daft; you can clearly see the firepit you have created… why would you make centimeter sticks for a meter long hot bed!?

There is nothing to it! Anything goes if you practice!

Squirrel.

Dove breasts.

Black nuts.

Grubs.

Pineapple.

Mussels.

Doughballs.

Corn.

Riceballs.

Beetles.

Pear.

Crickets.

Broccoli.

Olives.

Cabbage.

Leeks.

Mango.

Squid.

Squash.

Field Onion.

Lips and Buttholes (Hotdogs/Sausage)

Green Pine Straw even!

You’ll find a way to hate it, but it is a great way to eat it!

I mean…c’mon…

It’s grilling things on a stick!?

What rock have you all been under that didn’t reek at all of endless hunger!?

This is what’s for dinner, don’t steal my harmless thunder!

NO, not bummer!

You killed my zing, you prick…

It’s just grilled things on a stick; shit!

Sniff, sniff………….What’s this!? by Fartfist
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Published by Fartfist

I am personally a personal personality for a personable person using this persona.

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