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The Food Dealer

…ration your education and save space for the time that you’re wasting…


…smells like intestines….oh that’s just the casing….

OH! I didn’t see you there!

You hungry, dear?

I’m so full…I feel weird…


I have an idea!

Let’s go get some shit to eat around here!

Since you’re here…

Let’s visit our local food dealer!

Come here…


Yeah, right there.

I just want you to read; anywhere.

Or not; don’t care-

It doesn’t matter so it might as well be


Let’s share

Have you ever- wait; would you bank your career on a plate with steak and a corn cob ear?

For goodness sake-

They got you right here.

Maybe a carton or a trash bag


All of the contents are at best contestant to be champion of the moderation contest.

Just fair.

They just won by a hair.

Get some and come

There’s more shit there.

Beyond compare

When you don’t get to pick much else to contrast.


We almost went past the pickled shit…wait!

The middle, quick!

They’ve got its own section full of it!

I mean, really this whole shit is full of it, but this is all you get to choose from…

So, fuck it.

Come get your food and shit by the bucket

Might get lucky and save some dignity or money

If not; something to suck on.

You want some shit that sucks?

Come on!


They got that on aisle six.

I bet you knew that shit…that shit was obvious

We can name you the rhyme Nostradamus.

You’ve got time to guess the next one

But why?

That’s not really the question

We’re on a quest and unless we can buy them…

…YOU might not digest them.

That’s okay, they’ve got some shit for thin skin



For your little fit of indigestion.

I forgot to mention the first aid kits and shit

Just in case you make a wrong prediction

Get the perception that it has to come with prescription

Then the food dealer comes and gives “us” what they won’t give “them”.

And then…

Another thing we need to mention is a renewal of your membership subscription.

You can get rewards with them

Here’s your cards…


Shit, who knows when you are gonna get them!

 Don’t be such a victim; write them.

Maybe you will get a coupon.

That’s right I said “Coupon” and I said it in way that it would rhyme with the next line

Let’s snoop on in …


Let’s wait or take a break somewhere safe-

Somebody is in that one; pooping.

We ain’t stupid…

We can go look at the fruit bins and try to forget the shit that we found that cat doing.

Don’t even think about suing…

They got enough of your money that they don’t know what to do with.

The food dealer is not stupid-

Shit, we are the dupes digging through the food bins!

Can we have your attention?

No, mother fucker-

I won’t listen…

But I will if you have another question.

But listen, it’s gonna be enough for a lesson!

Unless it’s the best method for cooking without ingredients.

You got us, because we need it.

At least that’s what you believe if you’ve never had a kid and don’t know what you’re going to feed it.

Believe this.

Those with an open mind and a Fist will find a way to do that shit.

And I’m talking about real quick.


They have spirits!

…and it ain’t even Halloween yet!

But you have to hear this!

They’ve got an economy size box of cue-tips!

As if…

The lobotomy wasn’t concluded, they’ve got you covered!

This box or two or a few of them shits should do the trick-

Don’t start shit, if you don’t plan to finish it.

Scrambled eggs are delicious but I’d rather not wash the dishes…

…and rather boil that shit and get that shit over with.


Here comes the grocery lists…the greatest hits of the gravest…

Spend more time and money like this and the groceries might start growing and I don’t mean for goodness

But…like mold and shit that has other new shit growing on top of it.

They will even try and sell that shit and make you start looking for yellow stickers and some more shit!

S’mores and bullshit galore

Make you so you can’t fit through a door


Install one, for sure.

Or fall just before you saw the shit you slipped on; on your trip to the floor.

They have wet floor signs and more


The shit you dropped and broke, but you tried your best to ignore.

Watch the blokes who like to sip from the shit, put it back on the shelf and keep sifting and shopping in the store!

What more!?

The horror!

They have the sale going but they don’t have any more!?

Try not to keep score, but I’m sure you’ll find it at another store for the poor.


Have it delivered to your front door.

What’s more, you’ll want an encore…

So what are you waiting for?

Ice cream  flavored condoms are on aisle four!


You want a cookie to go?

What about a look from a little shit who just probably took some shit and it wouldn’t surprise me if it won’t that little shit that was just over in the cut taking that fat shit and rubbing his butt on the cabbages.


Crooks, part time crack cooks and basket badgers…

Don’t even get me started on the baggers!

Those whimper snappers couldn’t manage to box a bag if they were boxed and tagged in a bag factory!

But they’ll start to brag if they were asked about a phone battery!

No worries!

The food dealer has those puppies!

More shit than you could shake a poor kid at…

Than you could take if you had a place to put it!

You can get a cup of pudding.

A bowl of something good or a swollen tummy.

Not everything is yummy.

Half this shit tastes like money and comes in a cubby or comes shaped like a gummy.

Except for the honey…

I swear it’s not from bees or bears!

They got the fake shit and the raw, lined up there.

The only difference is the allergens and bacteria from other climates that you might share with them or not get affected at all by them!

“Who cares?”

You can do a study or blame it on a moth.

Blame it on a mite or a bite; a fight with a airborne fright

You just might make the news tonight!

Waving at the light, hoping someone you know watched the show…

They just might!


The food pusher has you locked

You do what the doctor orders and food courtesans are artisans

 They stocked some shit for you and the first may only come once a month

But the dinner rush is a daily fuss

And so is lunch!

Don’t forget about the munchies from the one with no front teeth!

They are hooked on the same shit you’re booked on.

They call it good shit

You just call it groceries!

You would think it was a trophy but, really it’s just a joke see?

Nope…this is a debacle!

I’m not sorry.

They are even hocking fishing tackle!

Don’t worry about the leaders…

Or the stinky weiners…

You might be a reader and you might be a fine substitute for a tutor.

But, the food dealer has you hook, line and sinker.

You think that’s a stinker?

Buy another two liter!

And remember…

Thank yourself for your lives that you spent here.

Realize you won’t survive here if you shop there.

Reliant on the stock here.

The shocker is a killer.

When the shops don’t last forever…

You’ll curse the experience and worst, they won’t hear ya.

Life has other criteria for you critters who shit but can’t get what makes it.

I’m not here to scare ya, I’m here to take care of ya!

Like unpaid awareness to malaria in trains on a pair of mosquito vaginas…

I will write it clearer so the sad moods can disappear.

One day when the food is stepped clear of…

You’ll be looking real serious…

Looking for a Fist, not the first food dealer.

You guys are addicted by the first Fist evicted.

Published by Fartfist

I am personally a personal personality for a personable person using this persona.

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